


Survivor Guilt: Sastiel Slash

by Teemfr3_Cherryscone



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Begging, Begging Castiel, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel (Supernatural), Crying Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Nightmares, Smut, Survivor Guilt, Top Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22072204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teemfr3_Cherryscone/pseuds/Teemfr3_Cherryscone
Summary: Cas and Sam mourn the loss of Jack, and vent to each other their feelings…both are vulnerable and in need of comforting…
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 16





	Survivor Guilt: Sastiel Slash

******

Castiel enters the kitchen and is glad to find it’s empty. He makes his way to the table and sits down on the side opposite of where Jack was sitting when he caught him eating cereal when he was supposed to be in bed. Castiel remembers how much he enjoyed simply being in Jack’s presence, when he was alive. Seeing him discover new things that he would marvel over, each day as if they were the most exciting things known to man, no matter what it was.

Fatherhood had come as an unexpected blessing in Castiel’s life. He immediately connected with Jack when they first met and found himself thinking about him every second of the day, whether in his presence or separate from Jack. 

Now, the bunker felt even emptier than before Jack was born. Castiel would always be there for Sam and Dean, was incredibly grateful to be involved in their lives and knew his life would truly end the day when neither Winchester was around, to call for help. The three had been lucky in the past (supposedly) being brought back from the dead more times than they could really keep track of anymore. The next time another member of Team Free Will met with the hands of death, that would be it. But now, with Jack gone, Castiel couldn't think of a worse ending to his days on earth. To lose both Sam and Dean was one thing to be able to take in, but losing Jack as well..

Castiel closes his eyes, remembering Jack’s voice, his eyes, the way he would furrow his brows when he was thinking too hard, his smile… Castiel lets out a heavy sigh and starts to stand. He gasps. Sam is standing by the counter, watching him.

“Cas. Hey..” Sam holds out his hands in defense. “It’s just me!” Cas blinks and shakes his head. He sits back down by the table apologizing for being so sensitive.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to indicate that you could ever upset me in any way, I..” He’s at a loss for words, his brain scattered with images of Jack fleeting in and out, combined with taking in Sam Winchester’s presence before him. 

Sam was in his pajamas. He’d woken up from a nightmare, reliving the day that turned dark when Chuck killed Jack. Only in his dream, when Sam turned to pull the trigger of the Equalizer on Chuck, he instead shifted his aim to shoot his brother in the heart. In his dream, he had murdered Dean. Castiel had wailed and screamed Dean’s name, running to his cold, dead body lying on the ground. Then turning back to mourn over Jack’s dead body, sobbing, tears covering his face..Castiel looked up to Sam desperately, begging…

“Sam..Sam please….Kill me. KILL ME!!! It hurts…they’re dead. They’re both dead.” Sam had raised the trigger, placing the barrel of the gun to Castiel’s forehead and in between his eyes…before waking up in a cold sweat…

Now, Sam looks at Castiel who looks like he’s experienced death and loss far too many times to feel anything but pain and suffering, for the rest of his days. He looked to be on the verge of tears and his body is very much weak and deflated. Sam goes to sit next to him at the table.

“Cas. I know you don’t sleep, but….I…I kind of need to ask you a favor..”

**********

Minutes later, Castiel and Sam lie together in Sam’s bed, Sam wrapping his arms around Castiel and Cas clinging to his shirt, burying his face in Sam’s neck. Sam had confessed that he was having trouble sleeping and that his nightmares were keeping him awake. He asked Castiel if he wouldn’t mind laying beside Sam while he slept, so that he could wake him or use his powers to rid Sam of his nightmares, should they come to him again.

But really, Sam had seen the pain in Castiel’s eyes and knew that he was still mourning the loss of Jack, though a considerable amount of time had passed since his death. He didn’t know that Castiel had actually attempted suicide multiple times since the day Jack died, but there was no denying to Sam that Cas was suicidal. And for all the love that Castiel poured into Jack right up to the moment he died, Sam knew Castiel deserved better. That Sam himself had been the one to fail Jack, who had truly betrayed him. Without thinking, he whispers to Castiel.

“He shouldn’t have died. Not so young.” Sam starts to caress Cas, without realizing it. Castiel pulls away from Sam so he can look up at him.

“I couldn’t save him…” Castiel’s eyes are shining, tears pooling in them and causing them to glisten. Sam’s never seen anything so beautiful. “Sam…I…killed…”

“No!” Sam positions himself above Castiel, turning Castiel on his back. He looks down into Cas’s eyes and reaches for his face..”Don’t think that anymore. Cas, I was there, too. We didn’t know it could happen that soon..and to someone that strong.” 

Cas lets out a sharp cry, and Sam lowers himself on top of Castiel. Their chests are pressed against each other and Sam can feel Castiel’s heart beating against his own. Cas shakes his head back and forth, but Sam stills it with his hands. Castiel squeezes his eyes shut and starts trembling beneath Sam….who can feel himself hardening, finding himself fully erect..Cas opens his eyes in surprise and gasps. Sam sees that Castiel is vulnerable and weak....and he doesn’t hesitate.

When they kiss for the first time, their chests tighten, their nerves set on fire, and there’s a sense of panic at first. Then hunger, as they both writhe against each other. Sam goes for Castiel’s neck, sucking at it, biting it, and Castiel arches back against the bed.

“Sam…Sa-Sam..I….my….fault…it’s my fault..Oh!” Sam sticks his tongue in Castiel’s ear, then covers it with his mouth and sucks hard. Castiel squirms, feeling as if Sam is driving him through the mattress, into the floor.

When Sam pulls back he quickly kisses Castiel’s tears away, before lowering himself down to be between his legs. Castiel moans and mewls, and starts thrusting his pelvis upwards when Sam unzips his fly and pulls out his erection. He strokes it a few times, working his hand expertly while Cas lets out the most beautiful sounds that Sam has ever heard. He lowers his mouth onto Castiel’s cock and starts to suck, bobbing his head up and down at a fast pace. Cas sucks in his breath and his hands reach back to press against the headboard. He wracks his head back and forth, squirming, moaning with pleasure.

“Sam…Sam…I….I’m coming, I’m…unhhh” Sam swallows all of Castiel’s load and then cleans him off, lapping and sucking and kissing Castiel's cock, getting every last drop, before springing up to his knees to unzip his fly. His bulge is massive and he knows that this orgasm could be the death of him. His face darkens as he praises Castiel.

“Castiel. Baby, you taste so good…and you were here for me this whole time…Oh Fuck!” Castiel watches Sam, entranced, as Sam masturbates above him. The speed of Sam’s hand quickens and Castiel feels dizzy. He knows what’s coming but doesn’t move forward to swallow Sam’s load, doesn’t undress for him so that Sam’s cum can come in contact with his skin. He stays clothed, so that it can cover him as he is..broken, wrong, wretched. Sam notes this and starts to thrust himself into his hand, angrily…

“Castiel, Castiel….Oh FUUUUCKKKK!!!!!!!!!” Sam comes all over Castiel’s shirt and tie, shoots far enough to cover Castiel’s face and eyes, coating his lashes. Castiel blinks a few times and then licks Sam’s load off of his lips submissively. Sam falls forward and roughly kisses Castiel, lapping at the parts of Castiel’s face that were cum covered. Sam takes Castiel in his arms and kisses him all over. Castiel looks as if drugged, but laps lightly at Sam with his tongue, licking him shyly. He whispers to Sam…

“Please forgive me..Sam, please..” Sam cradles Castiel in his arms. He knows it’s wrong to give Cas any indication that what happened to Jack was in any way his fault, but it was what Castiel wanted to believe. It was what he needed to hear confirmation of. Sam, guiltily, says to Cas..

“I forgive you, Castiel.” Castiel nuzzles against Sam, gratefully..

They hold each other until Sam falls asleep, and Castiel passes out from the pain..

-The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


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